Grouping the 32 NFL teams

This is not necessarily a power ranking, but a sorting of teams based on a deeper roster appraisal.






On The Clock:

Houston Texans

Yeah, it's basically Laremy Tunsil and a giant mound of shit.




Rebuilding: Phase One:

NY Jets
Jacksonville Jaguars
Detroit Lions
Atlanta Falcons


Teams that are basically starting from scratch with new systems. Of the five, Atlanta is the interesting wildcard. Pitts is going to be a matchup weapon for Ryan, and Dean Peas typically gets the most out of his defensive roster. I like the hires of Robert Salah and Dan Campbell. Urban Meyer in the NFL seems absurd on it's face, but they'll obviously be fascinating to watch.



Rebuilding - Phase Two

Cincinnati Bengals
Carolina Panthers


Both teams bottomed out. Both teams are emerging with a core of talented, young players. It's probably a year early for either team to make a playoff push, but I like the trajectory.




Gilded Cuckolds

Denver Broncos
Las Vegas Raiders
Dallas Cowboys
NY Giants



All of these franchises have tradition and Super Bowl victories, which is enviable, but they all lack any coherent direction in 2021. The Cowboys and Giants have some theoretical playoff hope because of their awful division, but I don't see another Lombardi Trophy anywhere in sight for these celebrated clubs. Denver, though, would obviously get a huge bump if Rodgers somehow ends up their starting quarterback.



Playoff Fringe

Philadelphia Eagles
Washington FT
Miami Dolphins
Los Angeles Chargers
New England Patriots


I think Philly was an anomaly last year. They have too many good players to be anywhere close to 4-11-1 again. All of these teams are probably hoping for playoffs, but won't make wholesale changes if they come up short.

I came close to classifying Belichick as a Gilded Cuckold, but their roster has improved and his body of work deserves the benefit of the doubt for one more year.



Fuck or Walk

Minnesota Vikings
Chicago Bears


Teams that will likely make wholesale changes if they miss the playoffs.



Playoff Expectant

Tennessee Titans
Arizona Cardinals
Pittsburgh Steelers
Indianapolis Colts
San Francisco 49era



I don't think anyone here is really on the hot seat, but it gets warmer if they don't deliver in 2021.




Playoff Run

Seattle Seahawks
New Orleans Saints


These teams likely expect to reach the postseason and win a game, at minimum. The clock is ticking for both, in different ways. I think it's implied that Wilson is winding down his Seattle tenure, and even though the Saints are still stacked, their cap situation will make it impossible to keep that nucleus together beyond 2022.



Super Bowl Run


Cleveland Browns
Los Angeles Rams
Baltimore Ravens
Buffalo Bills
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Tampa Bay Buccaneers


All of these teams are aiming for a Super Bowl run . A division title and conference championship appearance, at minimum.

 

Nice work BB

 

Packers should be dropped from Super Bowl Run level until they prove they aren't massive frauds.

 

It's a stacked roster, but you're right about the bad big game/playoff juju. GB and Baltimore are probably the two in that category under the most scrutiny.



The Ravens might be in the Fuck Or Walk echelon the more I look at it.