Jigsaw

Indeed.

 

good grief charlie brown

 

Whut??

Crafty things could be building a bird house with baby Z... or something like that. It doesn't mean I'm gonna go out there and knit.

 

Have you cut a finger off jacking around with that jigsaw yet?

 

Jst tre

 

>>
>>
>>
>>
>> You're a home
>> handyman. Do you have any of these tools?
>>
>>
>> Tool Definitions
>>
>> DRILL PRESS:
>>
>> A tall upright machine useful for
>> suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock
>> out of your hands so that it smacks you
>> in the chest and flings your beer across
>> the room, denting the freshly-painted
>> project which you had carefully set in
>> the corner where nothing could get to it.
>>
>>
>> WIRE WHEEL:
>>
>> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws
>> them somewhere under the workbench with
>> the speed of light. Also removes
>> fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers
>> in about the time it
>> takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"
>>
>>
>> SKILL SAW:
>>
>> A portable cutting tool used to make
>> studs too short.
>>
>>
>> PLIERS:
>>
>> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes
>> used in the creation of blood-blisters.
>>
>>
>> BELT SANDER:
>>
>> An electric sanding tool commonly used to
>> convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing
>> jobs.
>>
>>
>> HACKSAW:
>>
>> One of a family of cutting tools built on
>> the Ouija board principle... It transforms human
>> energy into a crooked,
>> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to
>> influence its course,
>> the more dismal your future becomes.
>>
>>
>> VISE-GRIPS:
>>
>> Generally used after pliers to completely
>> round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
>> available, they can also be used
>> to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of
>> your hand.
>>
>>
>> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
>>
>> Used almost entirely for lighting various
>> flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy
>> for igniting the
>> grease
>> inside the wheel hub out of which you want to
>> remove a bearing race.
>>
>>
>> TABLE SAW:
>>
>> A large stationary power tool commonly
>> used to launch wood projectiles for
>> testing wall integrity.
>>
>>
>> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
>>
>> Used for lowering an automobile to the
>> ground after you have installed your new brake
>> shoes, trapping the jack
>> handle firmly under the bumper.
>>
>>
>> BAND SAW:
>>
>> A large stationary power saw primarily
>> used by most shops to cut good aluminum
>> sheet into smaller pieces that more
>> easily fit into the trash can after you
>> cut on the inside of the line
>> instead of the outside edge.
>>
>>
>> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
>>
>> A tool for testing the maximum tensile
>> strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
>>
>>
>> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
>>
>> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals
>> under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin
>> oil cans and splashing
>> oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the
>> name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
>> heads.
>>
>>
>> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
>>
>> A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes
>> used to convert common slotted screws into
>> non-removable screws, and for butchering your
>> palms.
>>
>>
>> PRY BAR:
>>
>> A tool used to crumple the metal
>> surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
>> remove in order to replace a 50 cent
>> part.
>>
>>
>> HOSE CUTTER:
>>
>> A tool used to make hoses too short.
>>
>>
>> HAMMER:
>>
>> Originally employed as a weapon of war,
>> the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of
>> divining rod to locate the most
>> expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying
>> to hit.
>>
>>
>> UTILITY KNIFE:
>>
>> Used to open and slice through the
>> contents of cardboard cartons delivered
>> to your front door; works particularly
>> well on contents such as seats, vinyl
>> records, liquids in plastic bottles,
>> collector magazines, refund checks, and
>> rubber or plastic parts. Especially
>> useful for slicing work clothes, but only
>> while in use.
>>
>>
>> SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
>>
>> Any handy tool that you grab and throw
>> across the garage while yelling "Son of a
>> bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is
>> also, most often the next tool that you will need.