My head coach rankings

I only rated coaches who have coached a game.



THE ELITE


1) Pete Carroll

It goes unnoticed that he's only missed the playoffs three times as an NFL head coach. He gets the most out of any team he's had.


2) Bill Belichick

138-38 since 2003. Only put him 2nd because of the big game futility in recent years.


3) Jim Harbaugh

NFC Championship, Super Bowl, and NFC Championship appearances in his first three years as an NFL head coach, on a team that was a fumbling dysfunctional mess for a decade before he arived.


4) John Harbaugh

Feels odd to place him below Jim considering his 2-0 record over Jim, but I guess I feel like he walked into a slightly better situation.


5) Sean Payton

Obviously saw how important he was to the Saints after missing 2012. I hold out some hope that he'll bolt for Dallas once Brees goes into decline.


_The very good_


6) Andy Reid

Probably too high for a guy who constantly fucks up in big moments, but it's hard not to appreciate his body of work. 9 ten win seasons in 15 years as a HC is pretty damn good.


7) Chip Kelly

COLLEGE COACHES WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN THE NFL!!!11



8) Tom Coughlin

He belongs in the top ten as the only other active coach besides Belichick to win multiple Super Bowls. The Giants mediocrity outside of those two years is perplexing though.



9) Mike McCarthy

I'm honestly not impressed with him at all, but only the Packers and the Patriots have had winning seasons the past four years. His loyalty to Dom will be a hindrance.


10) Mike Tomlin

Consecutive 8-8 years has a lot of people souring on him, but I put that more on Steelers management for not infusing that team with younger talent. I would still trade Rivera and half a draft class for him.


_The pretty solid_



11) Bruce Arians

Seems the Cardinals have stumbled ass backwards into a pretty solid head coach. I considered his interim stint in Indy a fluke but he's proven that wrong so far.


12) John Fox

I have to admit that his pussing-out in big moments in recent years looks pretty bad. This still feels right about where he belongs. Only three other active coaches have multiple Super Bowl appearances.


13) Rex Ryan

Only one losing season in five years as the Jets head coach. They made the right decision to keep him.


14) Lovie Smith

A reliable black guy who will never build a powerhouse, but will always have your team competitive.


15) Marvin Lewis

A reliable black guy who will never build a powerhouse, but will always have your team competitive.


16) Chuck Pagano

Good coach. Good man. I don't want to put him any higher than this because he walked into Andrew Luck.


17) Jeff Fisher

I still don't know what to make of him after all these years. The Rams are in a brutal division, but they have talent and need to take a step forward in 2014. Also, knock off the personal foul bullshit.



_Generic football coaches_


18) Mike McCoy

Interested too see how he does without Whisenhunt. Frank Reich is a pretty bizarre hire. I should probably give McCoy more credit for not only getting that team to the playoffs but advancing.


19) Ron Rivera

It's troublesome that he didn't change his style until his job was in jeopardy. On the other hand, I give him credit for adapting and keeping his shit together under that much stress.


20) Marc Trestman

Some have lauded him for his coaching prowess, which seems strange to me as the Bears regressed from 10-6 to 8-8. Better fix that god awful defense. If they can, they're a dangerous team.


21) Mike Smith

I could not ignore a 4-12 season and a 1-4 playoff record.



22) Ken Whisenhunt

How will the Titans not have a QB clusterfuck now?



_Not sure yet_

23) Gus Bradley

a 4-4 finish on a team that clearly wasn't trying to win any games is nothing to turn your nose up at. I think he has an opportunity to be a very good coach if Jacksonville can get their QB and some pass rushers.


24) Doug Marrone

I want to like him, but the Bills didn't take a step forward. He did make Thad Lewis look like an NFL QB. I do like that he's not just giving Manuel the starting job.



_Shitty hire_

25) Jim Caldwell

Just a really shitty hire.




_Dead coach walking_

26) Jason Garrett

A font of mediocrity working for an insane owner. I remember when Garrett was the hottest coaching commodity in the NFL. That seems like a lifetime ago. I bet he wishes he took the Baltimore job in 2008.


27) Joe Philbin

A man who has all the leadership qualities of a substitute teacher, Philbin literally has no fucking chance to be coaching the Dolphins beyond 2014. Apparently the new GM is keen on giving Matt Moore a chance to unseat Tannehill.



28) Gary Allen

Is it Gary or Dennis? I can never remember. To be fair, the Raiders have been in full blown rebuilding mode (which I still applaud, btw) but this guy likely has no long term future with the team.

 

I worry about Pagano continuing his WE HAVE TO BE A POWER FOOTBALL TEAM when he isn't close to having the team for it. I guess it will give Luck lots of comeback win/clutchness cred though.

 

Not a bad list, wouldn't trade Rivera for Tomlin today tho.


Didn't Tomlin try to trip some player up or interfere with a return last year?

 

I would trade Rivera for Tomlin and allow Tomlin to cum in my wife.

I don't give a shit about the Jacoby Jones thing. The best coaches make an effort to bend the rules.

 

LOL

 

1) Bill Belichick - the best
2) Pete Carroll - the best at this particular moment
3) Sean Payton - only weakness is out-smarting himself
4) John Harbaugh - that roster was not as talented as you think
5) Jim Harbaugh - love him, but he's fiery Marv Levy for now
6) Mike Tomlin - agreed about the Steelers' roster being terrible
7) Tom Coughlin - mediocre but steady
8) Andy Reid - the new, fat Schottenheimer
9) Mike McCarthy - agreed about the loyalty to Capers being utterly bizarre and indefensible
10) John Fox - what a watch
11) Rex Ryan - pretty good coach behind the mouth and the foot fetish
12) Chip Kelly - *sigh*
13) Bruce Arians - I was skeptical too, but I remain so for at least one more year.
14) Jeff Fisher - love his attitude, but meh results
15) Lovie Smith - pretty capable
16) Marvin Lewis - is he awake?

Everything after this is not worth the effort to distinguish.

 

That's a fair point about John Harbaugh. I forgot what a train wreck they were in Billick's last year.

 

as for Mike Smith, i dont think any NFL coach should be judged until they've had a 4-12 season. The balls in your court, Mike.

 

I would have put Smith above Rivera, if it weren't for this





You just can't have that.

 

at least momma's happy.